How perfectly I failed...

I guess the topic has its own irony. Ya, I get failed. I fall from the cliff again. The cliff of my own expectations, hopes and dreams. I am accepting my defeat instead of being embarrassed about it for my lifetime unlike last time.

It's really funny that the world will push you always to see the brightest sides, the postivities and even more the success stories but no one ever tell you the failure stories. The stories of those millions people who tried and over tried but failed and the reason they tried is the story of that one person in those million people who get success. When we begin to dream what is that first thing we think in our heads? Undoubtedly, "living that dream". Next, we will go to Google and reading the success stories. Those stories will have passion, hardwork, determination and the "Success mantra" they felt for them. Later, marking those stories as inspirational, motivational and then trying to follow the similar pattern of success as described in those benchmarked stories. How many people of these competitive world later tell the same story for next generation of fighters? Basically how many people actually won? Maybe, the probability of those people from the entire population of aspirants must lie little above zero. 

So, how many people come here to listen my story as being a failure? 

Basically, I gave many competitive exams but for this last one I prepared the most. I gave 2 years of my life for this exam but ended with a story that matches those success stories level in areas of hardships I faced but I didn't get victory in it so I am not qualified to tell it as my success story. Thus, telling you my "failure story". 

The level of my competitive college entrance exam test is 1000 people for 1 seat and for my dream college the acceptance rate is even less than 1. Its just 0.50% to get admitted to it thus making it toughest B-school to get into in the world as for Stanford it is 7% while for Harvard it's 13%. My level of preparation went from easy to moderate to difficult as per the  time left for the exam. 

The exam preparation taught me some valuable learnings like time management, pressure handling, be prepared for worst and most importantly "keep moving on". The first 10 questions can be hard but that means that hardest part is over and easy will come and to wait for that have patience. Mainly , preservance was under test not my intelligence but it is checked everyday and every single moment of the preparation. There were hundreds of time when I want to give up or just want to stop it but the thing is 'I can't' as no other option I had except fighting . The fight was about pushing my intelligence, going  beyond my abilities and getting out of my comfort zone as well as proving myself to the world that I can do this, I am not weak ,not incompetent. Due to this I learn the actual mean of Hardwork. My playlist filled with inspirational songs, study table is filled with motivational notes and deep in diaries the desired result was wished. Prayers and Hardwork became the routine. Analyzing everyday progress and finding out the weak points, writing everyday works in excel sheets. Gave more than 4000 tests and learning something from that every test even when I failed soo badly in it and don't want to see that test again. Cancelling lots of plans and parties for preparation. Even I made myself isolated that didn't go out from home  more than 10 days sometimes.  I guess I did my best.

For one month I didn't sleep properly because I had given exams back to back. Mostly that month passed in studying day and night. In day, I used to study for competitive exam and in night, I studied for my final college exams. Even some days went like-  I had  exam in one city and on next day, completely different exam in another city and the only time I get to prepared was the time between both the exams ,mostly less than 12 hours and mainly the time was cold nights. I was frustrated, exhausted soo badly but all I asked for strength every single day so that I can pass these days with bravery. I wanted to run away sometimes but still I can't give up. I wanted to pause it ,stop it but I can't break down in those tough times. 

The day when result was about to come I remember my entire 2 years dreams, hopes, trusts,faith, believe, hardwork, struggle, sacrifices, hardships, endless prayers and entire journey I had gone through. And when I saw the result and find out that I didn't succeed, this time I broke down. Everything felt sinks and over. But life didn't end as I had another 'exam' on next day thus I had to "move on".

My story is no different than yours if you ever failed in exams. I have been belong to that part of  population who neither considered as topper nor taken as  average and still not enough for this world as I have to push most of the time to explain my existence and worth. I am good in somethings while worst in others but I have to walk in the life maintaing equilibrium of my capabilities. I used to believe that I can achieve anything in life because I had faith in my abilities and hardwork but now I know maybe I am not that genius.
I used to thought that one day I will share this story as my success journey but I guess I had more trauma in my failure journey so sharing it. No idea which turn life will take next but one thing I am sure that I will "Never Be The Same" now.